I couldn’t tell you the last time I read a book because unless they’re about Dita von Teese or Audrey Hepburn I ain’t interested. But wow this book has captured me! The bus to and from college is tedious and long so I have decided to use up the time to my advantage. I read the blurb of this book about two years ago and thought “I’m gonna read this one day”. I then realised a few weeks ago that it’s now been adapted into a film and is in the cinema. Whenever I speak about a really good film 87% of the time someone will tell me that I should read the book cos it’s better. So… when I saw that the book had been made into a film I went and purchased it in order to read it and then go see the film. I’ve been reading it for about a week now and in the mornings I actually wish I didn’t have to get off the bus, even though I hate the bloody thing, to just ride round and stay with my book open.
Anyway, this book has some crazy coincidences that remind me of myself and my life, it gives me shivers. I can’t quite explain it but this book gives me hope (so far… if it goes how I want it to).
you are at leeds collage of art + design right? i do photography and I want to take some nude shots of you for my honours... guess who I am. Do you have any sweet tatts under those sexy clothes??! ;) ;) ;)
Put all my eggs in one basket and there's no turning back now
Not that I would even if I wanted to, so that’s not an excuse. You live quite a while away and I haven’t seen you since we met and by the time I plucked up the courage to run down the country to see you I was actually getting in the way of something for you. I’m sat on the fence hoping that one day you’ll pull me off it and into your arms. I’ve known you for over two years now and not a single day has passed where I haven’t thought about you. I try to tell myself that things happen for a reason, so the shit that is sent our way is to test our friendship (even though our contact is ‘banned’) and I tell myself that if I want to be with you and stand the test of time that we WILL be together. But sometimes I choke a little and worry about how my heart will be broken should we not be together. There’s nothing I can do about this because I won’t walk away, so I’m helpless. Sometimes I choke when I think about your relationship, my eyes stream with tears, a lump grows in my throat and a pain darts through my chest. That will be a constant feeling should one day the perfect picture doesn’t fall into place. We talk about the perfect image of us so much. And I’m prepared to ruin myself if it’s a risk I have to take to maybe be with you. I’m waiting for you (whether you want me to or not) because it’s not possible to walk away from you, maybe I shouldn’t shut out people or relationships… I should have fun too because I am young, I want to experience things and be shown things instead of waiting for you to do that… because what if you don’t come round to do that. I love you and should we never be together I will still love you the same. I have always loved you, please never doubt that. I miss you more than words can say but please understand that if I get hurt beyond mend it isn’t your fault, I did it to myself. You are the most amazing person I have ever met and I couldn’t not know you -just to be friends with you is a pleasure and I am so grateful. I know you won’t be reading this now, but this is just like when I sit on my windowsill and face south down the country to where you are, stare at the moon and talk to you because no matter how many miles away you are, or what situation we’re in, you are looking up at the same thing I am. I know you can’t hear my words but I can only hope my presence is around you. Like the force that could bring us together when it’s our time, the force that won’t let us turn back or give up.
called Mr Jealousy. Today I watched my friend run into the arms of her long distance boyfriend. And I’m still waiting for that to happen with my friend. I miss him beyond what words can say and I haven’t seen him since we met. I love him a lot and this year we’ve had plenty of shit thrown our way to test ourselves yet we’re still standing strong. I just want to run into his arms like what I saw today. I had to actually stare into the distance to not blink so the tears wouldn’t roll down my face. I got that terrible pain in my chest that you get when you’re love sick. Don’t get me wrong, I was so happy to see my friends look so joyful but seeing that shows me what I just can’t have right now.
Got a green monster on my back called Mr Jealousy and he’s making me cry.